Ingredients that may could seem unusual when mixed together, but formed a harmonious salad. Diverse distinct ingredients and yet coexist together perfectly to arouse the senses of sight, taste, and smell. The salad was served in a parmesan cup – to transform something we know – shredded parm – into something different – a cup. Parmesan was melted in the oven at 400 degrees for a few minutes and placed over a jar to solidify into a cup.

A well-known ingredient served in a different form. It was tasty, salty and created a great vehicle for the salad that could be eaten by hand to arouse touch and sound. How often have you eaten a salad by hand? Oh the crunch of a salad in your hand stimulating different parts of your tongue with an intoxicating smell and sight…try it. While feasting on something that stimulated our senses, we dug in to stimulate our minds.

At the Joshua Tree Music Festival, my daughter drew me to a stage where the music captivated her. The singer/songwriter was transgender and educated the audience, especially me, quite a bit. Born a girl, he had not been accepted by his family for who he was and ended up on the streets, found a youth homeless shelter that accepted and helped LGBTQ youth and has since overcome homelessness and poverty. It opened my eyes to the youth on the street and the reasons they may have ended up there. It is unsafe to be on the streets in general. It is unsafe for LGBTQ. Put the two together while being a child and it is heartbreaking – you are dealing with the normal issues of hormones and growth, your family does not accept you and your basic needs are not being met.

About 40-50 percent of the homeless youth identify as LGBTQ and up to 50 percent of people who identify with LGBTQ say they were kicked out of their home. Suicide rates and drug use is high – which may be true for homelessness in general – but the more marginalized you are, the more that puts a person at risk.

We discussed the difference between homeless and houseless – people who have lost or given up everything and can rise up if given a chance and those that are incapable of living on their own because of mental instability. But the longer you are on the street, the higher the risk of becoming mentally unstable due to lack of basic needs being met – lack of sleep as one likely stays up to protect themselves, no security, lack of proper nutrition, interacting with people based on different reactions, etc. Adding the extra layers of protection, self-identity, etc associated with LGBTQ while being on the street likely adds to the persistent homelessness of some.

This brought up voting and lack of voters. Homelessness was an issue on the local elections ballots here in LA which is why voting came up and some guests were shocked that the turnout was so low. While local elections impact us more, the problem becomes the lack of information for voters. Which then further discourages people. One thing that has been happening since the National election is the creation of mean and angry liberals that are not tolerating and acting very much like the conservatives they dislike – further dividing the country and preventing these real issues from being discussed. But that is why we have these food as protest parties. To keep the discussion alive.

A participant brought up that they were bothered by the women’s march – people screaming pink pussies rule and yelling and screaming. As a person of color in this country, they felt that people needed to calm down, that people have been through setbacks before and we will get through this as a community or a country. Another guest astutely brought up that this represents different stages of a developmental process in activism and life. As an African-American, they have ridden the waves because they have been marginalized their entire lives. For some, like white women, they are actively finding their voice only now as her power and rights are at risk. They are early in their development when it comes to these cycles and waves of progress, non-progress and regression of rights.

This brought up a personal insight for me. I have always been active in politics, even before I could vote. And I have always experienced racism. There was always a baseline level of racism in my life that I tolerated – people I don’t know asking me where I was born as an opening question, if women still burn at the husband’s death in India, what language I speak even though I speak English without an accent or trouble, assuming I am an immigrant because of the color of my skin, assuming that my parents live in India, assuming that I am the nanny despite the fact my daughter looks like me except for the color of our skins, being told by many people “I never saw you as being Indian because you act so white” and so much more. But it was not until 9/11 that I began to understand what it meant to be overtly discriminated against and marginalized. After 9/11 I began to understand what it meant to watch every action that I do, look over my back and assume people have an opinion of me based on the color of my skin – a lot like what the black community has always known and experienced. For me, the immigration ban and hatred of Muslims affects me as an American born non-muslim only because of my skin color. As a result, I am more activated than ever before and despite all the racism I have experienced, all the issues associated with being a woman, and all my political activism, I am still early in my development of riding these waves of rights. But I can still be me, activate my voice and have a lot of protections around me.

Now when I extend that to people who I know that are Indian and LGBTQ, I can’t help but this about how marginalized they are. They are already born into a culture that does not accept LGBTQ – and hide it to protect their family. They felt somewhat safe before and could consider coming out. Now they are marginalized further here. To be brown is dangerous enough. To be brown and LGBTQ?

Moonlight, the movie, highlighted some of these issues well – and my personal belief is that Satyajit Ray’s Apu Triology influenced the movie, which only further unites those concepts but that is off topic. Looking at socioeconomic class, skin color, societal/cultural norms – all of these issues make it harder for people to come out and be who they are. It is another level of shame they must contend with which makes everything harder when rights are taken away.

We spoke of the assumptions people make – what people are supposed to look like and act like across the world, which brought us to the next meal.

For the main course I wanted to make a classic different. Chicken n’ waffles. Seemed like an appropriate brunch meal but made with “chicken” that is not chicken. I made my own homemade vegetarian breaded fried “chicken”.

It surprised people – not because they were expecting chicken (they know I am vegetarian) but the fact they could eat something they would not eat and find it to be tasty.

The chicken and waffles were served with different toppings – again to represent the rainbow and diversity. Sweet and savory, colors, textures – I played with everything to showcase that we can create new and exciting combinations.

Red was a buttermilk waffle with cream cheese, “chicken” and a fresh strawberry syrup

Orange was a buttermilk waffle with a sweet potato puree with banana, maple syrup and pecans topped with “chicken”

Yellow was a cornbread waffle with “chicken” and a thai yellow coconut curry sauce

Green was a cornbread waffle with “chicken”, a dijon maple vinegar sauce with microgreens

Blue was a buttermilk waffle with “chicken” and fresh blueberry maple syrup

Purple was a cornbread waffle with a chicken, a poached egg (cut into it for a yolk “sauce”) and a purple cabbage slaw

Two rounds later, I concluded they were well received.

My favorite aspect of this dish was the different possibilities – any combination could be made – lots of ingredients and lots of possibilities. Like humanity. There was no one favorite. Everyone gravitated to their preference. But if there was one I had to choose as being the winner among the guests it was the curry…which is funny because it was my least favorite. But knowing that my preference may not be the same as others, I decided to serve it. Which was a great representation of tolerance, acceptance and knowing that my opinion may not be the same as others because we are individuals.

Someone – not Indian – brought up a comedy skit that was about India and bringing the topic of conversation back around, I mentioned that when I would visit Indian when young, I noticed more people who were transvestite (or at least that is what I categorized them as when young, I did not know enough) than I did in places like New York City. In some ways, people may be more open about it over there than they are here – and I attributed that to less fear of poverty. Here poverty takes on a different meaning. Over there it may be attributed to many different factors, but it is all around you and part of life. If you bring “shame” to your family or are not tied to your family and living on the streets anyway, then you may as well be who you are.

We started to discuss other cultures. It was mentioned in Polynesian cultures, males are revered as warriors but in Fiji, it was an honor to have a gay son because they represented male and female spirit and they play a dual role in societies. This was the history of the country and it has made a more progressive society. The theory was modern societies that are less progressive have a history of religions that do not accept this. But we recognized that no ancient religion has overtly stated it is wrong and yet modern interpretations do. So what is it they are fearing?

We tried to pinpoint why it is people are uncomfortable with LGBTQ – what is it that makes them overtly reject LGBTQ. One theory was when gay issues were brought into the spotlight, it was associated with the HIV/AIDs epidemic in the 80’s.

Another thought was that perhaps people are uncomfortable with the fact that some people are confident with who they are with regards to sexual orientation or gender. Looking at sexuality alone, if one end is heterosexuality and the other end is homosexuality, many of us are likely in the middle. Being in the middle may lead to thoughts that could confuse some people and within our societies, lead to thoughts of shame. Often for a person who is homosexual, shame comes from the fact they don’t feel heterosexual. Perhaps there are a lot of people in the middle that do not like the fact that some people are confident in their sexuality. Confident that they are attracted to the same-sex. Confident they are attracted to both sexes. Confident they were born with the wrong genitals. Confidence is threatening and intimidating. Especially when it comes to sexuality.

Another point that was brought up is the concept of tolerance. We must respect where we are, the people we are with and the environment we are surrounded by for progress. It is true the progress is slow but for some it is too fast. Think about the movie Philadelphia or when Ellen came out on her show or the TV show Will and Grace. We have snippets of being progressive in pop culture – which is too slow for progressive people, but too fast for people who don’t like or know how to change. We are more likely to win over supporters if we respect their views as well. I can’t be a tourist abroad and expect them to follow my norms. We are evolving as a society and there needs to be patience, tolerance and acceptance…on both sides of the fence. Both sides have to be open to finding our common grounds and discussing different points of views and respecting one another.

We talked about the fact that what is often taken as an insulting question – whether it be about race or gender or something that seems ignorant – it may be a reach for contact. If someone who does not seem threatening and the space seems safe throws out a rude or inappropriate comment – “he’s just a fag” or “hey baby girl, smile, you’ll look prettier” – perhaps we should try to engage appropriately because maybe they just need someone to talk to. Perhaps if we respond with kindness and use the opportunity to engage and educate, we can help bridge that divide.

We keep coming back to the same point in every food as protest party – did the election help us move forward because we are no longer complacent or has it set us back because we are fighting for the same rights and can’t fight for the nuances in the discussion. For example, during Obama’s administration we discussed the ethical use of drones. We have gone so far backwards that we can’t think about drones but instead are discussing which world leaders are we at war with, if foreign leaders influenced our elections and if our current president has the emotional and intellectual intelligence to make critical decisions. Is that progress or regression?

We finally moved onto dessert. Rather than traditional cheesecake, I served a “cheesecake” made from cashews to take something we know and transform it into something unusual. Creamy. Different. Appearances may deceive.

The dessert was topped with strawberry for red, mango for orange, lemon zest for yellow, kiwi for green, blueberry for blue, and blackberry for purple.

One of the last topics we discussed was physical appearance, eating disorders and food. We often associate this with women and while it occurs in men, it is not often discussed. But eating disorders are another issue that is prevalent in the LGBTQ community. We know a lot of eating disorders come from lack of self acceptance and self-love and the need for control. For people who are LGBTQ, it adds a level of complexity, especially if they have not come out to themselves or their community/family, if they don’t feel safe or they feel shame. And no matter what we are a society that is focused on what we look like which continues to reinforce issues with food. This is the problem with the removal of rights for the community – it continues to breed shame and makes it difficult to combat issues that the community faces.

It feels so wonderful to feed people while discussing these topics. There were uncomfortable times, but it was food and sharing of ideas that united us and we found our common grounds, respected and listened to one another.

In the end we concluded that we do not fall in love with a gender or sex we fall in love with a person’s personality, spirituality, and so many other features. Like music, we once looked at music as music, then we divided it into many different types of music like country, R&B, pop and techno and now we have downtempo, breaks, drum n bass, and so much more. We are dividing and categorizing and while there are similarities in similar types of music, in the end it is music. No matter what our orientation, in the end we are all humans. And maybe even all queer. Once a derogatory term for gay men, it is used for all and we all fall somewhere in a spectrum of sexual orientation. And because we fall in love not with genders and sexual orientations, but with personalities and characters, we all are unique individuals with capacity to love anyone. We are all queer because we fall in love with humans.

Obviously this was an overall liberal and progression group of individuals and I would never try to bridge a divide with a conservative by suggesting we are all queer. We would need to find our common ground and start a discussion from there.

This was a long, vibrant discussion that touched so much that I did not capture. But we all walked away with new perspectives and combination of thoughts. And that is all I hope to achieve through this. Thanks you to my participants. And thank you for reading. The recipes are below.

Rainbow salad with Balsamic Honey Dressing

Cornbread waffles

• 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/4 cups yellow cornmeal
• 1 Tbsp baking powder
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 cups buttermilk
• 3 Tbsp vegetable oil
• 2 large eggs

Preheat waffle iron. In a large bowl combine the flour, cornmeal, baking powder, sugar, and salt.  In a separate bowl, whisk milk, oil, and eggs. Combine with dry ingredients and stir until smooth. Pour batter onto hot waffle iron and bake in batches according to manufacturer’s instructions

Buttermilk waffles